So now we have the introductions out of the way after last weeks post, it’s time for the first ‘proper’ post to my blog. So initially this weeks post was going to be titled ‘Club Statement’ which obviously references the new trend the old firm have come up with to have an indirect pop at each other. However, i then came to two conclusions, firstly i don’t care enough about it to be honest and secondly, Scottish football doesn’t revolve around the old firm. So this week will be the first part of my fantasy series which as you can see from the title is called ‘I Have Won The Lottery’. Anybody who knows me probably knows that when it comes to football, i live in my own little world where Stephen Dobbie is the greatest football player of all time, closely followed by Derek Lyle, therefore this little series will allow me to delve further into my little world. So the premise of this series is that I have just won the Euromillions jackpot (It was going to be £350 million but i checked the biggest ever win and its £160 million so we’ll go with that) and my first point of call is to purchase Queen of the South FC. Just a small disclaimer, this series is going to be incredibly ridiculous, the maths wont add up, the player i sign are unrealistic but i’ll try no be daft and the achievements i’m going to achieve are ludicrous.
So here we are it’s February the 13th 2020 and i have just purchased Queens for £1.3 million given that is our most recent Net Worth from the most recent accounts. So straight off the bat as the owner of Queens i am changing the name of the Old Stand (Gates Power Transmission Stand) to the ‘Sir Stephen Dobbie stand’ to honour the greatest ever Doonhamer. The Portland Road terrace will be getting named the ‘Derek Lyle Terrace’ as the Derek Lyle song is my favourite. Now i am aware we will lose money doing this but its totally worth it and it’s something i just need to do okay, right that’s that done. So now to real business. There are no more chances to sign players this season so the aim of the club is to push for the play-offs. I’m not getting rid of the gaffer yet, i will be giving him as much support as possible be it a move of facilities, bring in extra specialist staff or anything i can do to improve match day’s at Palmerston for the team. The squad will also be getting reasonable bonuses written into there contracts to give them more of an incentive for the play-offs.
So, the saviour of Queens CalJack is at the helm now, first up is a trip to Gayfield so i’m all suited up for it. Morale is high at Queens now, from the dressing rooms right through into the terraces. The fans understand that it’s next season where we will see real change however we still have a job to do this season. The Queens fans lend the team a healthy support as Queens run out 2-0 victors against Arbroath to get my reign off to the perfect start. Going into the week starting the 17th i have started looking to sign players on a pre-contract for next season. As well as that i have announced a gate reduction with fans now charged £15 as an Adult, £8 Concession with Under 12’s going free. I want to get the town behind the team, i want attendances rising, i want to make Palmerston a fortress, away players should fear travelling down here. As well as lowering attendances in this week i have managed to secure my first Marquee signing for next season, The Standard has printed an article stating that it will be announced at the next home game against Dundee on the 22nd.
The 22nd is upon us, Palmerston see’s its biggest attendances for a few years with 3,500 Doonhamers in the stands to see who i have managed to secure for next season. Anticipation is high as ‘Las Marseillaise’ begins to play. Out walks on to the famous plastic surface of Palmerston park, the one and only Olivier Giroud. I have managed to convince the soon to be out of contract Chelsea man to sign for Queens taking a huge wage cut to now only receive £30K a week. Now why would he do such a thing? To be honest i have no logical reason as i wanted to sign David Silva but even i can now see that’s ridiculous without my £350 million. However, Giroud playing off Dobbie is a dream granted there’s no legs up top now but who cares, we are guaranteed goals, fans and media attention now. Queens go on to draw 2-2 but the people of Dumfries now start to believe that i’m committed to the cause. Queens make a respectable push for the play-offs over the remainder of the season but we come up just short saving me some dosh in bonuses. I have also managed to secure pre-contract agreements with Stephen O’Donnell (RB) and Nicky Cadden (CM) to add to Giroud. Preperations for next season have started. I have submitted an offer to Newcastle to get my pal Dwight Gayle on loan to give the attack some legs.
We are going to leave the first part there then, this first one is really meant as a set up for the main series so we are starting at the beginning of a season but with a bit of background and some work already done to get the ball rolling to world domination. If you think it’s been ridiculous so far then i’m sorry it’s only going to get worse. In the next part of the series i’ll explore my first full transfer window in charge of Queens, the first season and plans to expand ‘Queens’ the brand.
Next weeks blog entry won’t be a continuation of this series, it will more thank likely be a discussion on the upcoming weekend or a throwback to one of my favourite away days. I haven’t decided yet if anyone has any thoughts let me know please!
No Composure 